Many people have no idea of the lifelong complications they may encounter when they join the ranks of amateur gardeners. Most individuals carry a natural adversity to gardening, believing it to be a lot of hard, sweaty work. Not all people progress from buying a six-pack of marigolds to becoming those who identify themselves primarily as gardeners.
Gardening is a benign activity. However, in the public interest, I must point out certain marked personality changes associated with this supposed hobby.
ARE YOU AT RISK?
The following are warning signs that should alert you that you can no longer take gardening or leave it.
--You may talk to plants and find they are talking to you.
--You may have no idea of what's on television because you are reading about the lifestyle preferances of perennials.
--You may no longer be content to have window boxes in your upscale apartment and move to a shabby place with an acre of land. This is known as the geographic fix.
--You may be able to rattle off the Latin nomenclature of many plants but have difficulty with family members' names.
--You may drag flower-blind people on gardening tours.
--You may ask friends to come visit you while you weed the strawberry patch.
--You may rope people into projects such as building a greenhouse.
--You may have a wardrobe that consists entirely of tee shirts and bib overalls.
--You may convert portions of your home into shelves and lights for plant propagation.
--You may judge others by their flowers and vegetables.
--You may obsess about soil, manure and seed viability.
--You may insist on guests meeting every single one of your plants.
--You may become oblivious of your appearance, wearing Willie Nelson bandannas to soak up the sweat on your brow.
--You may plant more than you can weed.
--You may get into serious debt buying gardening equipment that is clearly beyond your means.
--You may become rooted to your land, unable to take vacations during the growing season.
--You may become anti-social, relying only on telephone visits with other gardeners, only on rainy days.
--You may reach a point where you dare not visit a plant nursery for fear you will go berserk and not be able to stop buying flowers. A single six-pack will no longer suffice.
--You may find you've become a retired person and full-time gardener, working much harder than you ever did for a job.
TREATMENT
Those who grow things are not interested in becoming Recovering Gardeners. They never seek help, even when gardening has become annoying to those near and dear to them. On-site intervention is a bad idea. Concerned loved ones will be given gardening chores.
There is, in fact, no cure for this condition whatsoever, which is great news for us gardeners.
